Now I know why I feel this way

Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah – Psalm 62:8

Good morning – it has been a while since I opened the book of “The Confident Woman Devotional” book my friend has given to me for my birthday – it started to help me when I was feeling depressed, like I am right now.

I feel lonely than I normally do – I just realized something when my sister sent me a email about her blogs – I realized – “Where is God in all of this?” and I have forgetting to write/pray to him, I have not been reading the Bible – Bible study has been put on hold until September. No wonder why I have been feeling moody, sad, hurt all this week. It pretty much started up again when we were heading home from our trip. That day was just a disaster, so many things kept hitting me so fast in a short amount of time, it was like so many different things. It almost made no sense, I went home having a breakdown, I cried till I thought I couldn’t cry anymore. I didn’t speak to anyone all this week, except yesterday I started to talk to someone. Just general talk.

Today I will need to do a lot of laundry due to the fact we had to bug bomb the house while we were gone, catching up on a lot of wash – my house is much cleaner, it needs to stay that way (the cat food, ants found the cat food, just in the spot -.-) that didn’t help the stress either.

Someone else made me realize – all these things I do – I am just pushing people away. Why? I wish I knew. All this week I had this “I don’t know what is wrong with me” and now I know why. I get more depressed when I don’t have Him around me, I know hes there, but what am I doing? I am not talking to Him, I am not praying or writing to Him. I know I am shutting Him out – I don’t want that – I will take the time to write to him today after my husband leaves to work, then I will write to him, start reading that book the daily book – I need to feel better about myself, I need to love myself, not hide myself. I know I am not easy liked – but it doesn’t matter I am lucky to have what I have. a lot of people don’t even have that.

I started to read Harry Potter book 4 last week – lemme tell you – it is NOT easy to get into it, I am BORED out of my mind…. But no I need to force myself and see what is all the fuss this is all about. Since my social life is pretty much a dud right now, seeing a friend once a month or even less I need to do more things on my hands, I know I am busy already – yesterday a bunch of boys came over to remove that hot tub (FINALLY after a freaking year) there is gonna be some remodeling in this house – gonna have two walk in closet one for me and one for Chris – mine will be the “craft room” well kinda, but my stuff will be in that room, and they are gonna remove the wall from the first bedroom and the guest bedroom closet and make it bigger for him and his games, and then put in another bathroom in the bigger bedroom/laundry room *just stink, toilet and mirror* so then we will have two and I’ll be happy – I hate having ONE bathroom. We plan on buying THIS house once we can afford it. I lived here as a child, and I am back in it, I have so many plans for this house. Now if I can get us to downsize a lot – have fewer stuff esp the ones we don’t use.

Another goal – I want to start updating my blogger more often. I think people should have updates about me – although which is sad the email I use for this account I don’t check often. (thedreamer1985 – if you need my new updated email address lemme know – I made a new one for professional reasons/less spam)

Have a great day.

Amber