Hey,
This entry may be dramatic – I ask, please do not make assumptions or judgement. I am aware that I have personal issues – I freak out with times (I will leave over half hr early to get to work even though it takes me 10 15 minutes to get to work, or leave an HOUR early to meet someone that would take me less than 30 minutes of a drive I freak out if time comes or when I think I will be late), I do not do well under stress or pressure. And I have developed insomnia, and I will go see a doctor about that.
This entry will be talking about my experience with my breakdown I had Friday. There are some things I don’t understand, I want to. There is a history with my side of the family I will not post up names or examples, no one needs to know, this is my story. And I already know what I will have, have, don’t have, wont have (related to my body, health, my hair and etc) I will be incredibly lucky with grey hair, I will have a streak of hair that will be extremely pretty for long hair. I have a lot of issues with my health, I am easily sick which pretty much sucks because I love to eat different things and seafood and try new things, my stomach doesn’t have the stomach to deal with it, so therefore I may throw up more than a average person, sometimes it can be random. I am waiting for the doctor to call back and set up an appointment to take a allgery/ashama test, which I am pretty nervous, this might be a sign, there might be something wrong. I get sick too much for a normal average person, I try to build a good immune system by eating healthy, making sure I stay active, taking certain vitamins and etc. during October – December 2010 I had four bronchitis back to back, but I wasn’t going to allow that to stop me from doing things, work, take care of my duties, go to my dad’s house and take care of what needs to be done, family function, celebrating Christmas. There was plenty of times that I stayed home feeling useless during that time. Less than a month ago I gotten sick, puking for a few days, we thought it might be the fish I ate, but we couldn’t know. I love fish and shellfish. Someone on my side became allergic when she was 23 and I am 25 it is possible. However, it shouldn’t have lasted more than a day or two… I was on the couch for 4 days. That was my last “lazy days” I can remember.
I know I have more time than my husband, but I am also very busy. I am not sure when my next “day off” will be. I think I will try for the first weekend of March – my uncle and my aunt is coming down – we will be having our first family function this year (on my side, we usually have our few get togethers, usually my grandpa’s birthday – I don’t think it will happen this year, my grandma’s birthday, mothers day, fathers day and Christmas. But for thanksgiving its usually my parents and my grandparents sometimes my cousin or my sister – my sister is in Germany right now so this year I get to spend thanksgiving with my family – my husband and I have the agreement/do every other year we go to one – and we have the Sunday before Christmas with everyone and Christmas day with my parents) so that means… about 4 to 6 times a year, depending if we will have a family member flying into town we will have a get together… not that many lol. this year my grandparents been married for 60 years and I think we will have a thing for them, but I am not sure I will be talking to my parents about it. last time we did something was for the big 50. me and chris will prob have a get together for OUR 50th lol. (I already know me and chris will make it, no reason for a divorce)
Anyways, because I don’t handle stress/pressure that well, I take baths every week maybe twice a week to help me. With God on my side, it helps a lot as well, Friday I had a argument with Chris, it was pretty stupid (no it wasn’t a big fight, it was just one of those bickers) PS DID YOU KNOW THAT A ADVERAGE COUPLE FIGHTS 312 TIMES A YEAR? (sorry its random but it popped up) I ended up bursting in tears having my panic/asthma attack sometimes it gets bad when it comes to the point when I really cant breathe, my nose starts to get numb my face tingles, my chest hurts. And I also threw up my stomach couldn’t take it there either, I canceled my plans for the day, it took me a while to get myself calmed, I went to my parent’s house for my daily duties, (I take care of my dad we are still waiting for his surgery I am praying its soon and also I am prepared to make more sacrifices, I gave up my trip to Cali… yes I am a loving wonderful daughter I don’t want to leave him, and I want to stay and take care of him, no one asked or expected me and I am lucky that people understand that! :-)) I started to cry he asked me if I was okay, and I said yes, but he knew I was lying, he asked me what happened, and basically said “don’t give up, marriage is hard, couples fight over stupid things” but I already knew that, we aren’t bad, we have our ups and down – but I had so much building up inside I guess. I was still very depressed and shut out on Saturday and Part of Sunday. I ignored ALL of my texts I got from people, deactivated facebook, I saw a friend on Saturday I almost canceled on her, she was doing better than before which is great. I went to church alone on Saturday night since my husband went to game, then I went Sunday morning with my family in Tacoma (because it was the church she grew up in, and she wanted show my dad and Chris) I was thinking it would be different messages, I even brought my Bible incase if they didn’t have a paper or anything to tell me what verse they use and etc. cuz I know my church didn’t my mom would have to come a little early try to find out book mark the readings and so on… and interp. After growing up in my church somehow I started the whole book of verses and songs together now the church provides it and I use it all the time there. Its so much easier. So, I felt silly when I noticed they HAD THE EXCAT SAME BOOK!!!! My parents and husband was like “You don’t need to go to church more than once a weekend” they were kinda shocked I was like “Oh masses are different it would be a different message I want to hear them anyways” (Because I don’t go twice a week or more…. There is mass every day but I don’t go to them) then of course they laughed at me when I realized they had the SAME book, so I heard the message twice!!! (It was about adultery I think this will be my next topic for my next blog) and i knew God was on my side, and he was helping me with this, at the rate i was going, i could have been shut down for a week or two.
After going twice, I actually felt so much better, texted some of my friends and so on. i reactivated my facebook on Saturday late morning. I updated my status, started to leave comments yesterday.
OH MAN I am also so very pumped, March 9th, I will donate my hair for locks of love! Or is it lucks of love… I don’t remember. I found a really NICE place that will wash and cond, cut, style, dye (but I will call them and tell em no dye) and send the hair for me, for FREE!!! I didn’t want to risk messing up when I would have the hair back because one place I could find that does it does it at charge and gives it back which is crazy clips.
My dog is barking outside I need to let her in, and I said good bye to my gazelle and hello to aerobic veds and step thingies time to mix it up. no more gazelle for the next month or two, and more veds, my results were not that good when I compared to january’s body shot and yesterday it is a possibility I am bloated right now. Pretty much the same I guess.
God Bless Enjoy the rest of the week, and happy St. Valentines day.
Amber
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