Questions.... more questions...

Good Morning,

After I wrote my entry about my near death experience last night (On facebook). It had me thinking, I had the most important question that needs to be asked… I had this same question for years and it came up just now… I need to speak with my priest. I am so nervous to hear the answer because I think it will hurt me if it is the bad news…My mother in law left me a comment about how she likes to think her mom is watching over her and protect her. Had me thinking about what about my family members that has passed away?

I had my uncle before I was born, my mom’s husband, and my great grandmother and my two other great grandparents that I met and I remember everything about them  – I still have many memories about each one of them, including my uncle, I hear so many stories… who is the one protecting me? Who is my angel? (That isn’t the question I need to ask) there are some things I cant even admit, I try to talk about it with my husband, but it is the hardest subject to talk about. As a child I went through things I shouldn’t have been put through, but it made me stronger, and for our kids I hope they NEVER experience the things they did as a child like I did. I turned out very lucky. I had one of the best childhood I could think of, maybe not as good as most but the best I could think of, my parents did their best…. They are the best. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.

I am not questioning my faith, I am wanting to LOOK for answers… I hope I find them. even if this happened many years ago, it STILL hurts me. Everyone has experience loss in their lives. Weather they want to admit it or not. I lost some very important people in my life, and I am so terrified to know who is next, because I am so close to my family, and the “second family” I have created. My brother and sisters, (that includes Mario and Whitney). I feel those two are my blooded… always have. no one is ever going to take that away from us. Even if one doesn’t feel the way I do.

I am sitting here with my mind racing all over the place, I am truly blessed with what I have. I am still pretty shaken up, and I don’t know why. I know it is the hardest thing people have to go through, and also sit here and think about who they have lost, who saved you. The one thing that adds up – God – he granted me this, he gave me everything, he lead me to paths, he gave me the Angels. My love have grown so much… all I can I say is Thank you God. I have so many questions I want answered, I know I wont know them all, but it will take time.

I have been so sensitive lately, God helped soften my heart, I cried about Japan, I cried about my friends and their worries about the people in Cali and Hawaii and Japan. I cried for their pain, because I couldn’t take it away but pray. I try not to pray for my selfness… I pray for others. It almost makes me feel guilty to ask people to pray for me to get this job, I gotten a job interview yesterday I believe it went well.

After last night I should have been hurt or killed… it isn’t going to leave my head… it makes you think twice…

I have to get around for the day

Have a blessed weekend, God Bless,

Amber